100th post and it's about Waltham

Wow this is the big 100 post! I'm going to eat a cookie to celebrate!

I figure I better have a good post for the big 1-0-0 so I'm going to talk a little about my home town (or city really)

I live a few cities over from Waltham and still have family and friends who live there. My cousin wanted to hang out the other night so I met her at Margaritas for some food and drinks. My cousin asks me if I want to go to this privately owned bar that a friend of hers was at. This was where they would hold a lot of our Jr. High dances (yes at a private bar/ghetto function hall). I'm up for anything so we headed over.

This bar is in an old concrete building and kind of sketchy looking. In fact I would not have known where the door was if I didn't go get my Jr. High dance on there back in the day.

My cousin's friend let's us in and I immediately want to run, run far far away. It's horribly smokey since you can smoke in private bars and it is full of white trash townies. I will proceed to list what happens during my hour stay:

• Six month pregnant girl throwing back glasses of wine.
• A janitor from my Jr. High trying to talk/hit on me. "You were there in 1997/1998? Me too!"
• Cousin's friend telling us how her boyfriend's brother is moving in and she's just a little worried, "but only a little!" (boyfriend's brother is a well known drug dealer and is in jail for trying to kill his ex-girlfriend, he's been locked up so much he should just keep a set of handcuffs on)
• Bad nu-metal blaring from the jukebox
• Bartender with a hair style straight from 1991. Sweatshirt she was wearing might also have been from 1991

There was one positive thing there. BEER.

This bar is what my home town is like. If I still lived there I would have 4 kids by different guys and be working at the gas station down the street. Half of my graduating class still live at home with their parents with their kids. It's just sad!

Building a mystery

I have a little mystery happing in my house. I woke up this morning in the usual way which is my cat smacking me in the face with his paw. I get up and feed Boo and get ready to hop in the shower.

I pull back the curtain and it is like a scene from psycho (ok not that bad but it was unexpected). There is blood all in the bath tub. I stand there for a good three minutes not doing anything and trying to figure out what the hell happened.

Did my roommate cut herself? Probably not considering I shower before her and she would clean it.

Did my cat cut himself? He doesn’t go in the bathtub and he was sleeping on my bed all night. Also there is no blood anywhere else besides the tub.

Did Whitey Bulger kill someone in my tub? I do live very close to Winter Hill.

I had to clean it. I’m not taking a shower in that. So I’m naked in my tub with gloves and Ajax at 6 a.m. How was your morning?

I can't make this stuff up

I've been a bit slow with the blogging but I've been doing very important things like getting suckered into hiring a personal trainer and then bailing after two sessions. I like being able to lift my arms and walk without looking like I'm going to cry from the pain or moving limbs.

Work has been surprisingly busy. We had news crews in the office yesterday which had people running around a bit. I don't really like to talk about my job in detail on the interents so I'll leave it at that.

I've also spent hours on this site. Pack up your vampire glitter and Edward pillow cases, who wants to go to TwiCon 2009! I'm still laughing. This is just out of control!

Edward pillow cases?!

So I thought the Edward glitter was bad enough but now there's the Twilight Edward Pillow Case! The product description. (Please try to read without peeing your pants):

Edward will protect you from all your nightmares when you rest your head against this black pillow case with an image of the sensitive vampire. 20'' x 30''. 50% cotton. 50% polyester. Wash warm. Hang dry. Imported.

I can't handle it! I'm just waiting for the whole bed set. Just imagine, I bring a date back to my place. I tell him I'm going to freshen up so I can reapply my Edward glitter. He walks into my bedroom and sees my Edward Cullen pillow cases and matching bed set. That would be amazing.

I'm sorry. I just can't stop posting all the awful Twilight crap that's out there.

I know what I want for Christmas

I haven't been having a very good day. My phone that I just bought in May has died. I'm using an old phone that I hate until I can make it over to t-mobile. It was also a monsoon outside this morning. I think my umbrella just gave up. I was soaked by the time I got to the T.

But the day is not lost! It stopped raining, I'm heading to T-Mobile shortly and then I found Twilight Edward Body Glitter. I needed a good laugh. Thank you Hot Topic.

Here is the product description:

Add subtle shimmer to your body with this iridescent powder. It includes a small application brush and comes in a clear container with an image of Twilight's Edward

It should say on the side: WARNING, may cause moodiness, glaring and lust for blood.

Do you want fries with that?

I had a strange dream that involved Simon Cowell and cheese burgers. He was visiting the Boston area and stopped me in a mall to ask me where he could get a good cheese burger. Me being an expert on delicious cheese burgers named a few places but my friends decided to bash all of them and tell Simon they all made awful burgers. I yelled "why don't you just go to Burger King then!" and stormed off. Simon ended up taking my suggestion and thanked me.

This is my subconcious saying "hey, you know what's bothering you? When you suggest a place to eat, hang out, get drinks, and your friends tell you they don't like that place or don't want to do that so you end up doing what they want to do which is always the same thing."

I feel like my suggestions are never taken into consideration or out right dissed. I'm always doing what they want to do and I don't complain. I think I need to speak up. This is what Simon Cowell wants me to do. He is like my turtle spirit guide.

Konvict is not a word

Akon makes my ears vomit. His voice is like nails on a chalk board to me. Stop throwing K's in words where they don't belong and stop whining when you sing.

Nickelback, you've been replaced as band/singer I hate the most. I'm sure that you'll be back on top eventually as you are quite proficient in producing awful music.

"Dear God, thank you for blessing me with this amazing voice which I promise to use to ruin as many songs as possible. Oh and thanks for this massive watch. Sincerely, Your favorite Knovict"

Adventures in Boston

When Melissa Darryl and I go out it usually ends up being an adventure. We meet lots of interesting characters on the way.

Melissa and I started our night at Boloco with are usual burritos. I wasn't surprised to see my Boloco fan there. He looks pretty young, probably goes to BC. He was behind the counter though and there was another guy who we started calling jerry curl dude at the register. He was very obviously flirting with us even though Melissa and I were like hey we just want burritos.

Apparently BC boy wasn't a big fan of this because he was hanging out where we were eating and started talking to us. I told him I was sorry I was a pain ordering my burritos because I always sort of create my own. He responded with "oh no you're not a pain" and threw in a wink for good measure. Meanwhile, jerry curl dude comes literally dancing over and is all "what's up ladies?" I'm trying so hard not to laugh and Melissa isn't doing too well either.

When we're putting on our coats jerry curl dude tells us to wait because he wants to invite us to this party. He goes out back to write down the info (yea, we're not going) and BC guy comes over. He tells me he likes my skirt (I'm wearing a dress), I tell him I don't normally get dressed up for Boloco. He says "well I would get dressed up for me too." He usually never says more than two words to us so I don't know where all of this is coming from. Some how the conversation ends with him telling us that next month they're changing their uniforms to include ass less chaps.

Jerry curl dude comes back and hands us a paper with a book written on it. Name, address, cell phone, e-mail. Who writes their e-mail down? We said thank you and left. Melissa told me to hold on to the paper because she didn't want to try to call him later drunk to go to the party.

So after the Boloco ridiculousness, we rounded up Darryl and headed over to Mantra which has a $25 cover! The only way to get in there is to eat dinner and stay. No way I'm paying $25. We were near Felt so we headed over there. There was quite the group of people in there. I felt like I was watching a combination of the pick up artist and Shallow Hal. We decided to stay though since we were there and it was quite good people watching.

While trying to get to the bathroom I get pulled aside by a more sleazy version of Brody Jenner. He's thinks it's ok to try to make out with a girl who's walking by. No thanks. I run off to the bathroom to escape. When I'm walking back he grabs my hair. What is wrong with people!

Melissa and I were doing our Romy and Michelle inspired dance on the dance floor while Darryl stands by and refuses to talk to ladies. I did meet one nice guy who told us he liked how we didn't take our dancing super seriously. He just moved here and asked if he could hang out with us sometime. He had to drive his two friends home so we left to go to the tavern. I saw Brody grinding some girls on the way out. Have fun with that one ladies.

We made it to the Tavern with an hour to spare. Right when I walk in I see a guy I like. He has dark hair, lots of tattoos, the plaid shirt and the rocker boy skinny jeans (yea that's my type). I didn't say anything though because I wasn't really in the mood. But around closing he started talking to Darryl and I. We were having an argument on whether or not hockey is a racist sport. Tattoo boy and I said that minorities just aren't interested in hockey while Darryl claimed the sport doesn't like minorities. I asked Darryl if he actually knew a minority.

When the bar closed tattoo boy walked back towards Melissa's house with us since he had to stop by this local restaurant where he is the bar manager. Hello, jack pot! He asked if he could call me later and come by for Chinese food. I said yes. In the mean time there was this old guy who was semi in our conversation at the bar and I just noticed that he was walking with us. At one point he whipped out some coke and we were like, no, we're not interested. It took us a while to get rid of him, he was creepy.

Tattoo boy came back 15 minutes later. We all ate Chinese food in the kitchen at 4 am. He actually had the new Cardinals CD on him! Could this get any better? He wants me to visit him at the bar on Monday. I'm still deciding if I'm going to do it. It's very hard for me to resist tattoo boys.

So I think this picture sums up the night. Earrings falling out, a wtf is going on look on my face.

Is Jesus here? Nope it's Robert Pattinson

Twilight insanity is in full force. Apparently Robert Pattinson was suppose to attend a meet and greet at a Hot Topic in San Fransisco but it turned into a mob scene.

All because the people at the front of the line did not want to form a line. They crowded the malls entrance, police were called, and the whole event was cancelled and it will not be rescheduled. Even as it was announced that the event was cancelled, people still continued to stay in line. 1000+ people were in line for only 500 wristband that would allow you to meet Rob this evening.

People need to calm down! I feel bad for Rob. I would be scared if I were him. I don't understand why anyone would think screaming and clawing at a celebrity is appropriate. I don't care if you're 12 or 13, you should know better. You can be a fan without being insane.

P.S. I can't wait for Twilight!!!

What is going on with the animals

Ok I don't know what it is with this week and dead animals but it's pretty depressing.

Let's start back at the beginning.

Wednesday night I'm driving to book club (or drink wine and eat food club) with my roommate and some how we started talking about the old rail road tracks and giant abandoned warehouse behind our street. Meg tells me that it use to be a slaughter house and meat packing plant up until the 80s and the tracks were used to cart animals to their death! Property prices were really cheap back then because you could hear the animals. There is no way I could ever live on my street with that going on. I don't care if someone threw a house key at me and said I could live there for free. I'd be crying myself to sleep. I believe the warehouse will be torn down and built into condos. I'm sorry but I'm not having the ghost of dead cows mooing at me in the middle of the night. I wouldn't feel comfortable living in a converted slaughter house.

I was already pretty upset by this news but then I get on the T yesterday and there are posters everywhere of a bob cat stuck in a trap. It was an ad against fur. (Which I completely agree with. No need to be wearing dead animal but that's just me). I was ready to start crying on the T. Not the poor cat! Nooooo!!!

Today I was looking at some old news papers that the attorney who founded the law firm I work for had in his office. He passed away during the summer so his office is getting cleaned out. There was an article in an old paper with an adorable little pig on the front rubbing up against a tree. "That was his pig" my co-worker told me. "How cute" I exclaimed. "Yea, he ate her." What!!! Why?

This is just too much bad animal karma going on here. I think I need to look at some LoL cats or watch the Mark Wahlberg talks to animals snl skit..

Dear broken bike dude, I'm sorry

Sometimes you see something so funny and you really shouldn't laugh but you just can't control it.

Last night I was walking back from a bar with Melissa. We were in a giggly mood anyways but as we were walking this young guy on a bike is coming towards us. We hear a clink and the guy just stops. He looks pretty distressed and confused as he looks back towards the source of the sound. His bike pedal fell off! Seriously it was just lying there on the ground and came off while he was riding down the street. We couldn't control ourselves. We were basically running down the street because we were so hysterical and didn't want to embarrass him.

I feel bad but really it was just too ridiculous not to laugh. Poor guy was so shocked he just sat there on his bike that was falling apart right under him.

You can't text message breakup!

Looks like I’m back on the single scene again. Did you miss me boys?

I got dumped via text message. Granted he did ask to talk on the phone via text and I replied that if he was breaking up with me just tell me now.

I really have no filter on my mouth. I say what comes to mind even if I make an idiot out of myself. My boss walked by when I was reading the yes I am breaking up with you text and asked me what was wrong. I blurted out, “my boyfriend just dumped me by text message!”

Can I not say stupid stuff like that to my boss? I’m lucky that he’s a nice guy and felt bad for me, not horrified that I just threw that out there for the whole office to enjoy.

My friends and co-workers seem to be more upset about this than I am. Dumping someone by text is not a very popular way to break up with someone but really, would face to face be better? I’m glad he didn’t make plans to meet up with me only to tell me we’re done. Obviously the situation is different if it’s a long term relationship. Ending your marriage by text message a la Britney Spears is pretty low.

I wonder what people did before texting. Did they send letters to break up or perhaps a telegram?

Dear Virginia (stop) I believe our courtship has come to an end (stop) We weren’t that serious anyways (stop) Farewell (stop)

I end this post with a word from Kelly.

How the New Kids get all the ladies

I am so glad that New Kids On the Block is back. Their new music videos are classics to be enjoyed for years to come. Their newest single is called, well, Single. There's synchronized dancing, a club full of sexy ladies (seriously there are really no guys in this club), all the New Kids dressed in dapper suits. You really can't ask for more.

The icing on the cake is the scene where a woman drops her lip gloss in the bathroom sink and Jon just happens to be in the bathroom to retrieve her lip gloss for her. Yea, that happens to me in clubs all the time, guys approaching me in the ladies room. Really the ladies room is a great place to pick up woman. You know they have to go in there eventually and you'll be the only guy in there. Why has this never been thought of before?

I'm still laughing. Really, I thought they couldn't top Summertime but I was wrong.